3:34 in the morning thoughts in 10 whopping minutes

1. Will I wake my dorm room neighbors if I make a hot pocket?

2. I never realized how dark it is at this time.

3. I really can’t sleep.

4. Are my eyes bloodshot? *Goes and looks in mirror*

5. Screw it! I’m making this hot pocket.

6. But… I will do it in the community lounge’s microwave.

7. Can I take my blanket out there?

8. Nah. I’ll look like a weirdo.

9. What is a weirdo?

10. What is normal?

11. What is life?

12. What is my purpose here? *Looks at Bible and thinks about reading it, but sets it back down, because no one wants to think at this time in the a.m.*

13. Does it always get colder at night/early morning?

14. Tee hee. That’s a silly question. It is freezing rain outside.

15. Can I go to sleep yet?

16. I’m going to message my friend.

17. K bye.

18. Wait… I hope he answers.

19. If not, then, well I will come back and edit this post adding more.

20. Is video chatting an option?

21. Do I dare ask?!

22. Need advice guys. Comment?

23. Who is going to comment this late at night?

24. Is he going to answer this early? (See how I corrected myself. It is a.m., not late at night?)

25. Sleep is nice.

26. Brain, “Too bad. So sad. Sucks to suck. You want to sleep? Good joke!”

 

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Perfect Match

This piece was inspired by Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult.

I Am a Perfect Match 
Genivyve Smith
13 Feb. 2014

I am a mother, a district attorney
I wonder who hurt my son
I hear sadness
I see that everything’s okay
I want revenge
I am a mother, a district attorney

I pretend I protected everyone
I feel disappointment
I touch hope
I worry I can’t protect anyone anymore
I cry for him
I am a mother, a district attorney

I understand people can fall through the cracks
I say justice
I dream that everything’s okay
I try to fight
I hope for freedom
I am a mother, a district attorney

Blurbs

I wish I could go and never come back. Never look back. But never look back at what that is the question. It’s like Hamlet asking to be or not to be? To look or not to look? But what am I looking for or looking at or not looking at? I can’t look at myself in the mirror cause I don’t recognize the monster there. The monster there staring back… I shudder. Exce me for mistpng words; I’m shivering. I’m shivering from my cold soul. I cover it up with smiles and laughs. Laughs that are loud that are so loud that are loud that are so loud that you never you never forget them. They repeat in your head. Echoes in day. Annoyances in the night. My laugh is a coverup. My smile is a band aid. I’m the best actor you’ve ever seen. I wish I could go and never come back.

A Poem ©

A Poem *
Genivyve Smith 

A poem.

A piece of art.

Quoted and loved by many,

related to many more.

Something that never truly grows old.

Its verse carries,

Lingering.

*This was published in The Conrad Record: Your Hometown paper Serving Beaman,Conrad, Liscomb, Union, Whitten and Central Iowa. 

The Kids

Here's to the kids

I am a senior in high school in the middle of no where. I am graduating this year. The following line is important to me, “We are the kids who never made it.” I’m not saying I am an outcast or am not a stereotypical person in this oh so small world. I am simply saying just because you didn’t make it in high school doesn’t mean you won’t make it, for it is not our past that defines us. But making is just simply getting by; it is not striving for your best. Strive for your best and you will make it. Sure, that doesn’t mean you will always get exactly what you want or that people will realize the work you put into something, but your pride will be your greatest asset, your smile will be your greatest outfit, and your dreams will be a memory, because you will have accomplished something. And something is better than nothing.

Coming Clean

Coming Clean 
Genivyve Smith
23 - 26 Sept. 2013

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the hope

Coming Clean of the dope.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the shame

Coming Clean of the blame.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the pain

Coming Clean of the blood from the slain.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the clutter

Coming Clean of the slimy gutter crap.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the nasty

Coming Clean of the blasphemy.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the rats

Coming Clean of you rats.

 

Coming Clean

I do not believe in God.

Personal Responsibility.

“They were all alcoholic disasters, they found God, they all started dancing the Twelve step, they all got better. As with with most testimonials like this that I’ve read or heard or been forced to endure, something about them strikes me as weak, hollow and empty. Though the people in them are no longer drinking and doing drugs, they’re still living with the obsession. Though they have achieved sobriety, their lives are based on the avoidance, discussion and vilification of the chemicals they once needed and loved. Though they function as human beings, they function because of their Meetings their Dogma and their God. Take them away and they are right back were they started. They have an addiction.

Addictions need fuel. I am not convinced Meetings and a Dogma and a God can fuel mine.” [78]

“I am an Alcoholic and I am a Drug Addict and I am a Criminal.” [74]

I am dirty.

And I am Coming Clean.

Advice

Prompt: Describe a time when you received advice that had a positive influence on your life. (Application essay option to Simpson). 

 

“Watch where you’re going not where you’ve been.” Ever since I was little I have been a clumsy person. I am always tripping up stairs or down stairs or over my own feet. Accident prone one would call me. My adopted mother said this phrase, “Watch where you’re going not where you’ve been,” to me multiple times in one week, but the first time I took the saying as life advice was while walking through a store parking lot when I tripped over a lid to slushy drink. Something so simple, and I still tripped. Again, as I said, I am accident prone. But it clicked as I tripped over this lid. I need to look in front of me for inspiration and not always my past. I was put into foster-care in 2006 and adopted in 2009. My past may be my motivation in my life, but my main form of reasoning needs to be what is in front of me not behind me. I may want to be a Social Worker to help other children who went through abuse like I did, but I need to do it for the children, not for myself. I believe if I focus on the past rather than having it be a background influence I would be overrun with the mentality of being a victim. The best advice I have received was to watch where I was going not where I have been.