3:34 in the morning thoughts in 10 whopping minutes

1. Will I wake my dorm room neighbors if I make a hot pocket?

2. I never realized how dark it is at this time.

3. I really can’t sleep.

4. Are my eyes bloodshot? *Goes and looks in mirror*

5. Screw it! I’m making this hot pocket.

6. But… I will do it in the community lounge’s microwave.

7. Can I take my blanket out there?

8. Nah. I’ll look like a weirdo.

9. What is a weirdo?

10. What is normal?

11. What is life?

12. What is my purpose here? *Looks at Bible and thinks about reading it, but sets it back down, because no one wants to think at this time in the a.m.*

13. Does it always get colder at night/early morning?

14. Tee hee. That’s a silly question. It is freezing rain outside.

15. Can I go to sleep yet?

16. I’m going to message my friend.

17. K bye.

18. Wait… I hope he answers.

19. If not, then, well I will come back and edit this post adding more.

20. Is video chatting an option?

21. Do I dare ask?!

22. Need advice guys. Comment?

23. Who is going to comment this late at night?

24. Is he going to answer this early? (See how I corrected myself. It is a.m., not late at night?)

25. Sleep is nice.

26. Brain, “Too bad. So sad. Sucks to suck. You want to sleep? Good joke!”

 

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I Asked

Genivyve Smith 
Jan 17, 2013

I asked to sit one time at your table
Thinking I actually could that’s a story, a fable
Nothing but a fairy tale was I stuck
Being taken out, well, that’s just my luck.
I broke out – took a chance
and you met me with a downward glance
You don’t know
you don’t think so
I say okay with my head up making eye contact
I was taught not to react
Its okay though – I said that I pick up my own pieces
Smiles covering up as the lying ceases
I asked
Didn’t I?

What is the worst thing parents can do to their children?

The worst thing a parent can do to their child is beat them. I know from my past with other parents.  Living 24/7 is a nightmare.

Haunted Dreams 
Genivyve Smith

Suffication,
I can’t breathe.
My heart grows
Louder louder
Quieter quieter
Faster faster
Slowly Slowly
My heart gives out
____________________

You laugh your sick, cruel laugh…

The realization strikes;
I black out.
I can hear you
But it’s foggy,
Clouded
Muffled.
Everything’s utterly black.
I am dizzy.
I slip away.
Falling off the edge,
Losing myself,
Nothing.
Except the beating –
The beating of a used abandoned heart…
BEEP BEEP BEEP
POUND POUND BY POUND
My heart forms a fine line
_____________BEEP____________

Bang!
Stop!
I jump to life
Even though I was never gone.
I was haunted by you.
I AM haunted by you.
Congratulations.
You still have power over me.
You haunt me through nightmares.
______________BEEP_______________

Alone

Genivyve Smith
Jan 16, 2013

I sit here.

You all stare,

but don’t do anything.

I act like I don’t mind.

 

 

I sit here;

all you can do is take away the chairs,

“Do you mind if I…

[take this chair]…?”

 

 

I sit here

and some have noticed

Stated even,

“I saw you sitting alone it made me feel bad.”

 

 

I sit here.

Yet do you come join me?

Yet do you come offer me a spot?

 

 

I sit here

And its okay I give more then I take

Getting taken advantage of

I’m used to it

Or am I the one at fault?

 

 

I sit here

And its okay

Cause I pick up my own pieces

Always have.

 

 

I sit here

alone

Swallowed by my fear

Thinking about it is queer…