3:34 in the morning thoughts in 10 whopping minutes

1. Will I wake my dorm room neighbors if I make a hot pocket?

2. I never realized how dark it is at this time.

3. I really can’t sleep.

4. Are my eyes bloodshot? *Goes and looks in mirror*

5. Screw it! I’m making this hot pocket.

6. But… I will do it in the community lounge’s microwave.

7. Can I take my blanket out there?

8. Nah. I’ll look like a weirdo.

9. What is a weirdo?

10. What is normal?

11. What is life?

12. What is my purpose here? *Looks at Bible and thinks about reading it, but sets it back down, because no one wants to think at this time in the a.m.*

13. Does it always get colder at night/early morning?

14. Tee hee. That’s a silly question. It is freezing rain outside.

15. Can I go to sleep yet?

16. I’m going to message my friend.

17. K bye.

18. Wait… I hope he answers.

19. If not, then, well I will come back and edit this post adding more.

20. Is video chatting an option?

21. Do I dare ask?!

22. Need advice guys. Comment?

23. Who is going to comment this late at night?

24. Is he going to answer this early? (See how I corrected myself. It is a.m., not late at night?)

25. Sleep is nice.

26. Brain, “Too bad. So sad. Sucks to suck. You want to sleep? Good joke!”

 

Perfect Match

This piece was inspired by Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult.

I Am a Perfect Match 
Genivyve Smith
13 Feb. 2014

I am a mother, a district attorney
I wonder who hurt my son
I hear sadness
I see that everything’s okay
I want revenge
I am a mother, a district attorney

I pretend I protected everyone
I feel disappointment
I touch hope
I worry I can’t protect anyone anymore
I cry for him
I am a mother, a district attorney

I understand people can fall through the cracks
I say justice
I dream that everything’s okay
I try to fight
I hope for freedom
I am a mother, a district attorney

Blurbs

I wish I could go and never come back. Never look back. But never look back at what that is the question. It’s like Hamlet asking to be or not to be? To look or not to look? But what am I looking for or looking at or not looking at? I can’t look at myself in the mirror cause I don’t recognize the monster there. The monster there staring back… I shudder. Exce me for mistpng words; I’m shivering. I’m shivering from my cold soul. I cover it up with smiles and laughs. Laughs that are loud that are so loud that are loud that are so loud that you never you never forget them. They repeat in your head. Echoes in day. Annoyances in the night. My laugh is a coverup. My smile is a band aid. I’m the best actor you’ve ever seen. I wish I could go and never come back.

A Poem ©

A Poem *
Genivyve Smith 

A poem.

A piece of art.

Quoted and loved by many,

related to many more.

Something that never truly grows old.

Its verse carries,

Lingering.

*This was published in The Conrad Record: Your Hometown paper Serving Beaman,Conrad, Liscomb, Union, Whitten and Central Iowa. 

The Kids

Here's to the kids

I am a senior in high school in the middle of no where. I am graduating this year. The following line is important to me, “We are the kids who never made it.” I’m not saying I am an outcast or am not a stereotypical person in this oh so small world. I am simply saying just because you didn’t make it in high school doesn’t mean you won’t make it, for it is not our past that defines us. But making is just simply getting by; it is not striving for your best. Strive for your best and you will make it. Sure, that doesn’t mean you will always get exactly what you want or that people will realize the work you put into something, but your pride will be your greatest asset, your smile will be your greatest outfit, and your dreams will be a memory, because you will have accomplished something. And something is better than nothing.

Coming Clean Prompt

Prompt:

Since I read two books and am in Comp. II and A.P. Eng. I asked Mr. Acton if I could write a poem; he agreed to it, but before I get into the poem I will tell a little bit about the books. One was called Coming Clean and the other was called A Million Little Pieces. One is an autobiography and the other a biography. At first the author of the second book, A Million Little Pieces, called it an autobiography but it was discovered that he lied and some of the book was stories from other people so the publisher changed it. Coming Clean was about a girl who grew up in a loving yet dirty environment. Her dad was a hoarder and later when her mother grows sick she starts ordering things and begins hoarding things herself. the author talks about her experience, having mixed emotions for her parents. She knows they loved her exceedingly so, but she questions what would have been put first. Her or her parent’s stuff? A Million Little Pieces begins rather oddly, where at the age of 23 the author wakes up on a plane to find his four front teeth knocked out, his nose broken, and a hole through his cheek. He had no idea where plane was heading nor an recollection of the past two weeks. An alcoholic for ten years and crack addict for three, he checked into a treatment facility shortly after landing. There he was told he could either stop using or die before he reached 24. This is his story of his 6 weeks in rehab. This poem is about Coming Clean.

Coming Clean

Coming Clean 
Genivyve Smith
23 - 26 Sept. 2013

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the hope

Coming Clean of the dope.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the shame

Coming Clean of the blame.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the pain

Coming Clean of the blood from the slain.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the clutter

Coming Clean of the slimy gutter crap.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the nasty

Coming Clean of the blasphemy.

 

Coming Clean

Coming Clean of my sins

Coming Clean of the rats

Coming Clean of you rats.

 

Coming Clean

I do not believe in God.

Personal Responsibility.

“They were all alcoholic disasters, they found God, they all started dancing the Twelve step, they all got better. As with with most testimonials like this that I’ve read or heard or been forced to endure, something about them strikes me as weak, hollow and empty. Though the people in them are no longer drinking and doing drugs, they’re still living with the obsession. Though they have achieved sobriety, their lives are based on the avoidance, discussion and vilification of the chemicals they once needed and loved. Though they function as human beings, they function because of their Meetings their Dogma and their God. Take them away and they are right back were they started. They have an addiction.

Addictions need fuel. I am not convinced Meetings and a Dogma and a God can fuel mine.” [78]

“I am an Alcoholic and I am a Drug Addict and I am a Criminal.” [74]

I am dirty.

And I am Coming Clean.